Man Maid

Old bollywood movies always had a Ramu Kaka – armed to eradicate dust with his trademark shoulder towel. Ramu kaka would open doors for the new memsahib, have a tray of 'chaai paani' ready, wipe the villain's white shoes, would never be seen asking for a raise, drink once in the entire plot and cry, and in most cases, be hit by the bullet protecting his 'sahib'.

If movies are inspired from real life, those who were or are blessed with a Ramu kaka are lucky.

For the city living women of today, there is 'Bai'. Every morning the modern (working/non working) memsahib (now called 'mae-dum'), anxiously waits for the doorbell to ring, runs to open the door (at times like me, even breaks her leg in this act) for her Bai.

She has the regular conversation of time and 'mehangai' with her Bai while serving the morning tea. She follows Bai’s trail to point out dust, keeping her eyes on the watch, running around the wet floor while getting ready for office or preparing and packing Tiffins.

Doing 'jhaadu', 'poocha', 'bartan' is a back breaking task, for every women and only 'Bai' (and electrical appliances to some means) comes to rescue. The important part is that Bai is always a women. And for the mae-dum 'Bai' is the most important person.

To conclude Bai who is a 'Mausi' or 'Amma' offer to help

The interesting thing to note is that Bai is always a 'Mausi' or 'Amma'. And she reports to a Mae-dum or Didi never a Bahiya or Uncle (except for some bachelors) .

It is only women who help women :)

This blog is dedicated to all men who think they are most important in their women's life. Just for you to know, women are more important to women

An entrepreneurs story

The other day, on TV, I saw an old woman who was telling a story about voodoo and black magic. In the story, an evil Witch would stab pins on the voodoo doll of a woman and make her do things that she did not want to, making her unhappy.

Voodoo may be one way of controlling others life. In today’s scenario, our lives are controlled by so many things or people. One major is the boss and work sheets.

In the corporate world, there may not be dolls and pins, but there are work sheets, KRAs and appraisals by which the evil manager makes one’s life miserable. These %age achievements of targets (similar to pinches on the doll) make some weak and some tough (skinned). And then, there are a 3^rd category of people who break these hackles, free themselves of the daily drill and become entrepreneurs.

I have read about entrepreneurs who were unhappy at their jobs. They did not find it interesting, exciting or satisfying enough to continue with what they were working on/for. They jumped the chasm, took the risk and became their own boss.

Once upon a time, a young man entered the shining building called corporate office. It was made of glass and was sparkling clean. He had a job there. He loved going there daily.  He thought he was a part of something big.  

Little did he realize that it was all a bubble that would burst soon.

The young man was passionate and always came up with creative ideas. He felt dejected when none of them were considered.  The stab became worse when the same idea, when presented by an external agency, got approved immediately. He felt dejected.  Earlier he had idealized his boss, wondering how he knew so much, only to realize later that it was all 'google gyaan'.

He was made to work on things that didn't have meanings. He was asked to make multiple reports, format paragraphs, do spell checks. The Boss would not even read the documents he presented as the fonts were is Ariel and not Calibri or there was more margin space.  The boss rejected all ppts as he wanted the images in the ppt to be 14.5% happier.

One night the young man had a dream where he was drowning in spreadsheets and his boss was a zombie who wanted to eat his brain. He jolted and woke up to realize what he really wanted to do. He did not want to format ppts, write pitches, or just keep adding keywords. The next day, he put down his papers and broke the voodoo charm. He took the risk, and went ahead to set up his own firm. With his creativity and intellect, he is now following his dreams, Happily. Ever after. 

True story

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The best feeling in the world

There are probably 1000s of feelings that we humans feel and express. From feeling satisfied after a sumptuous breakfast, refreshed after a nap, tired sitting in traffic, thankful of not being caught by the cops on breaking the signal, bored in a presentation/family gathering, angry/frustrated when bossy gives lower %age achievement in KRA, anxiety before exam results, mischievous while planning a mass bunk, glowing while holding hands with your crush to feeling excited during foreplay.

Phew! That is quite a lot. Research says that women have more complicated or different feelings than men. So if I have to compile a list of the best feeling in the world, what would I put on it?

With all Nicholas Sparks protagonists doing somersault in my mind, and always being in love, ideally I should be saying that being in love is the best feeling in the world. A feeling that cannot be really expressed in words.

Hmm …I beg to differ.

Imagine you are sitting in an interview post drinking two gallons of water, wanting to take a leak, or waiting in the shopping queue with a cart full of stuff, post a heavy lunch with jet of farts coming out giving you the signal that you got to be the pot right now). And then going to the washroom to relieve yourself. 

Isn't that the best feeling in the world (Wink wink) ? Better than being in love?

Thin Discrimination

“Emaaa…Ki roga go tumi. Kichu khao na? Underweight hoae kono lab nai. Pregnant ki kore hobi. Hmm..dieting, Zero figure banachis , bikini porar shok hoiche?" And the best one - "Tor bor ki pabe re?”

“Oh! You are so thin. Don’t you eat anything? There is no use of being under weight. How will you get pregnant?  Hmm… dieting, trying for zero figure, want to wear a bikini?" And the best one – "What will your husband get?”

It’s not a happy thing to be a Bong and not be chubby. Meet any aunty in any social gathering; these questions just shot up.  And all you can do is just smile and ignore.

Hmm...So let’s get some facts cleared. I am no way close to zero figure. Can’t even be. If I would have won't I be walking the ramp rather than writing).  I am rather petite with thin hands and legs (rightly put by some of my friends as forgotten my ‘do boond zindagi ke’). And yes, I love eating. I can munch all day. And in my whole life I have never been on diet.  And am definitely not underweight. But still I am bombarded with these questions (all the time).

So do these aunties get some kind of sadistic pleasure in telling a person (P.S Young women) on this side of the scale that they have gone further down on the meter? (Considering Asha Parekh is still in vogue)  

My question is that when Kareena Kapoor lost all that weight and went zero figure did Kareena’s aunt ask her the same question? Or is it just a Bong thing? 

The Power of Dance

The Plot

These are turbulent times. There are calamities all across the word. Flood, droughts, typhoons have become a daily thing.

It is said that India is a very old civilization and all answers can be found in the Vedas (The Google of the ancient world). After reading the Vedas, American scientists have come to the conclusion that "Whenever lord Shiva dances - Tandav, ‘Mahapralay’ occurs."

Top notch scientist, negotiators and CIA agents have been commissioned by the White House to ask to Shiva to stop dancing as its causing destruction.

The Story

This special troupe arrived in India in Shiva’s lookout. They visited many famous temples, spoke to many Rishis and found that Shiva can be found only in the remotest peak of the Himalayas. Now, they then must take the difficult trek, pass the risky terrain to meet the Presidents orders.

The Epic

The group, being specially trained for this task, started their trek to the Himalayas from Nepal. It took 108 days and the team finally reached Shiva’s abode.
There they were greeted by a very hot Parvati who was playing fetch with her pet tiger.
"Hello Kids. I got an update on WhatsApp that you are on a mission to talk to Shiva. I must say you guys are brave to have taken this difficult path. Help yourself to some ‘somras’. Make yourself comfortable in those caves. Don’t worry they are well furnished.”

The team which was freezing till now suddenly felt relived after having the warm liquid. Weirdly it tasted as Vodka. They had seen the Indian hospitality across the country and were amazed that even the Gods believed in it.

The group rested for the night in the cave and was entertained with good food and wine served by hostesses called ‘Apsaras’.

The next day, they met Parvati and asked for Shiva. Smiling, Parvati commanded Siri on her iPhone to call Shiv.
A dashing dude with shoulder length braided locks and multiple tattoos appeared in front of them. The head scientist whispered to the other “See I told you, the Floo powder and from Harry Potter stories is true. That explains how he appeared out of thin air.”

A very irritated Shiva looked weary and exhausted. Still being polite, he took a sip of his Gatorade and said “Look dude, I know what you are here for and I can’t do it. I can’t give up dance”

The Negotiator, doing his job said “But your dancing is causing catastrophes across the world. Can’t you do this much for world peace?”

“Nope, I can’t give up my practice. I need to improve. I want to be the best.” said an adamant Shiva.

“But why My lord? The world already knows you are the best dancer.” Pitched in Parvati.

“No. I can’t give it up. ” sulked Shiva.

“Why?” asked everyone unanimously.

Shyly Shiva replied “Coz I want to take part in Dance India Dance and want Grand Master Mithun to give grand salute and say Kya baat, Kya baat, Kya baat!!!”

Empty Mind? Devil or Philosopher's Workshop?

"Its 7 ‘o clock I sleep  for 5 mins and its 7.30.

I am in office; I close my eyes at 3 pm for 1 hour and its just 5 past three."

Does this happen to you? Most of us will agree. Yes

The reason probably is that the millions of years ago, God of Time Titan had laid an egg under your office building and now its hatched. A tiny God of time is doing mischief now making the clock go slower!!

My colleagues have been debating on this subject for quite some time now. We imagine that Samay (Remember the introduction vocal in Mahabharata " Mai Samay hoon") has been chained in the basement, not allowing its free flow and hence time never seems to pass.

We would like to believe that mysteriously on some days (when we have work), Samay’s shackles break open and it runs around, difficult to catch.

But we wonder why does it come back, especially on a nice and bright day, the day we want to wrap up work and leave fast to be chained again?

Why don't you join this quest to find the answer :)

Maya and Me

I was introduced to Maya by her mother at a very young age and since then I became her best buddy. She ensured that we were together most of the time.  In fact we ended up together during her college. I bet her roommate had hots for me. Whenever her roommate looked at me, she had lust in her eyes.

Over the years I became more that Maya’s companion. I became her soul mate.  We spent many sleepless nights in each other’s arms where she kept talking to me about her dreams. She embraced me in sadness and in joy.

Once she started working, I saw less of her. Most of the time she stayed out of town, travelling.  When she was not around I missed her bad. Then Maya started dating. I never understood why she needed others when she had me.  She had a hot relation with some, some broke her heart.  I wanted to rip apart those ‘honeys’. I felt rage and jealous. This kind of feeling was new for me.

 But Maya knew how to control me, how to make me feel special. She would hold me tight, caressing my ears and say that she could never dream when she slept with her ‘honeys’. I can never forget those perfect fit hugs, the drumming heartbeat, the intoxicating smell of her long tresses, her kohl lined eyes and her soft dark glowing skin.

She looked so pretty when she came out of bath. She reminded me of those Hollywood heroines whom I had seen in the movies. The droplets of water that fell from her wet hair on her bare back made it look like diamonds glowing in coal mines. I always watched her getting dressed. She used gave me a shy smile fluttering her eyelids and asked me to turn around. Always called me a cheapster. But what could I do, she looked so hot, I couldn't take my eyes off her.  

Whenever we were alone, she told me everything, hugging me, kissing me, making me promise that I would never leave her. Sadly, I never came across to ask her, rather to plead to her to never leave me, to be with me forever. For me she was the world.

I used to stay awake every night to see her beautiful face when she slept. She smiled a lot in her dreams, whispered wooly words. I bet she said she loved me.

Then, she got married. That broke my heart. Her friends teased her about our relation and but I was confident that secretly we would still be together. She looked so angelic in her wedding dress. I watched the ceremony from the window. Yes the hubby did look good, a bit chatty though. But I knew she would run back to me. After all she loved to talk and I was a good listener. While leaving she never said goodbye to me. That’s when my world came crashing down. I was left alone, disinterested, closed in the room for years.

Then one day with a blast of sunshine she opened the closed door. She had come back, aged. Her marriage didn't work. She held me and cried. Sadistically, I felt happy. My Maya was back. I had prayed for this, every day, since she had left.

But my Maya had changed. She didn't spend a lot of time with me. We were never alone. She never slept beside me, never cuddled me. And one day she was taken to the hospital. Her mother mentioned later that she had a heart condition.

I was again pushed back to the darkness of the room. And here is where I lay. I have become dirty and torn out. Time has taken its toll. I desperately want to close my eyes and take my last breath. But I can’t my eyes are not sewed that way. I sit all day along with other toys thinking of my Maya, hoping that someday someone will open the cardboard box and take this worn out teddy bear out.